11 Things Nobody Tells You About Being a Mom

Sleepless nights, race against time, diaper explosions, countless google searches, wondering if your old self is still somewhere in there, unplanned exercises. Here are 11 things nobody tells you about motherhood.

It’s been 384 days of motherhood… phew. Do I recommend it? If you know of an app where I can send in my reviews, please share. I remember a friend asking me what labor felt like — she wanted to mentally prepare for it. The truth is, nothing prepares you for labor, just as nothing prepares you for motherhood.

Here are 11 things nobody tells you about motherhood.

1. Google is your new best friend

Had a best friend? Well, forgerreaboutit. You’ll have a new best friend, and her name is Google. The search bar will be your journal, the image search option will be your confidant, and the search results by other women who have walk the road before you… it will be like meeting your idol. You’ll countlessly search for everything — the teeny tiniest cough, poop/urine color, development, milestones, vaccines, and more.

2. Privacy and personal space become a myth

What is personal space? I’ve been bitten in areas I can’t mention. The other day, I was telling a friend how I have countless scratches all over my body — and it’s not because I live with a cat. You have no privacy — a tiny person follows you all over the house; kitchen, bathroom, outside, bedroom. I’m able to put this idea down because for the first time, I’ve had 10 whole uninterrupted minutes to myself… in the toilet, where I’m currently hiding.

3. Tired? You aint seen nothing yet

Do you think you’re tired right now? Eh, 30+? Your backaches? Stuck in traffic all day and had a long day at work? Lol, nothing prepares you for the waves of tiredness that hits. The moment you become a mum, forget about rest. But at least, like Thomas Shelby, we’ll try again in another life.

4. What is Sleep — an act or a word?

Ask any mum what their biggest wish is right now, and you’ll get a unanimous response, “SLEEP.” I used to be on team “sleep is for the WEAK,” now I’m on team “sleep is for the WEEK.”

5. Think you’re soft-spoken? Think again

This one is still a shocker. When I was defending my university project, the lecturers asked me to start afresh because they couldn’t hear me. That’s how soft-spoken and small my voice is. Now? Lmao, strangers call me “Ma” when I call them. It’s practice, people — from screaming contests and yelling, “No, don’t touch that, come back here, don’t eat that, don’t lick that, that’s not a nipple, don’t put that in your mouth, stop running.”

6. Get ready to binge on cartoons

You hate cocomelon or judge parents whose kids watch cocomelon? Lmao, wait your turn — wait until it’s the only thing that can get your baby to calm down. Remember that life comes at you fast, and we somehow become what we harshly judge. Anyway, get ready to watch and learn the lyrics to all cocomelon songs, the characters in Paw Patrol, Peppa Pig — all of them. The gist is, you go watch cartoon taya. I’m yet to catch up on my favorite shows — Peaky Blinders, Billions — can you believe I still haven’t seen James Bond? Me??? The recommender of movies and shows, lmao.

7. Say bye-bye to being organized

I used to pride myself on being the most organized. Ask anyone who’s ever lived with me — I’m Monica Geller. I love things precisely where they should be — if you touch/use them put them back exactly where they should be. Having a baby changes that — especially not when they want to see the chaos they made in their wake.

8. Hello noise

Love solitude and quiet? What about noise? You’ll like it. You’ll like noise. I remember the days of slowly waking up and enjoying the peace and quiet. Phew. Now I get woken up with a slap, and if I’m lucky, screams in my ear. You’re going to like noise, I promise (straight face). You get used to it, and silence becomes suspicious lmao.

9. No days off

There are no days off — it doesn’t matter what mood you’re in, your health status, your work deadlines, or whether you’re home; being a mom has no off days. Even if your personal world is crumbling, you’re going to have to be a mom first. It comes before everything else.

10. Vacay what?

Kiss Impromptu Trips Goodbye. Remember when you used to daydream about Maldives, Bora Bora, Seychelles, and Zanzibar? Take comfort in the fact that most of these countries are racist and treat tourists poorly. I mean, two hours to myself is vacation enough.

11. You’ll be happy

I had to add this. You’ll be incredibly happy amid the chaos, screams, sleepless nights, scratches, bites, and exhaustion. If you think you’ve experienced what being in love means, wait until you have one tiny human that’s part you and part your favorite person. You’ll also be happier when you have a strong support system — a partner or family.

The joys of motherhood indeed. Praying that every woman looking to experience this journey do— God will make it happen for you.

Did I miss anything? Share with me.